Monday, October 12, 2009

yetzer hara

i just spent the past hour talking with a friend. are talk was mostly spiritual, except when we were talking about how people have disappointed or angered us in the past. i was so judgemental, not taking my own point of view that everyone is carrying around some type of burden. judging is bad. what a simple thing to know. why do i make it so complicated to not do? yetzer hara. it all comes down to it.

so the middah of the week was week ends tomorrow night when i have my mussar class. my obstacle with the practice of this middah is the imaginary conversations i have in my head with individuals whom i have communicating with outside of my head. therefore, i am remaining bogged down in this often made up, sometimes past conversation instead of interacting with the other, and bearing their burden. this past week i let go of some of the internal dialogue, and behold, my encounters with everyone were amazing. now to be vigilant.

my quote of the day...well, i don't have one. i didn't do any studying today...i am about to say the bedtime shma. well, how about this: i forgive everyone who angered me today.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Unexpected Blessing

I've been on vacation for the the past three weeks. Winding down, and gearing up to go back, I received word that my program would no longer be funded by the city. Totally unexpected, but not unwelcome news. By the end of the month, I will be counted among the ranks of the unemployed.

So now what to do? My friend assured me that I'm going to love being unemployed, if I use my time wisely. So I have started to make a list of things that I want to do to set me on my new path in life. The top on my list is to get my applications in for post bac programs. The second is to delve deeper into my mussar study and practice. The practice I could/should be doing at all times, but the study part has been hard to come by. Most likely due to my Yetzer Hara, but's my chance not to have any excuses.

I am not a Rabbinical student, nor do I hope to become one. However, I do hope to become a physician. When I am a physician, I hope to combine my two passions and callings: the the art of medicine, with my fear, love and service to the other and to Gd.

If i keep writing now, it will end up being too long, and no one will want to read it, including me. So, I'll end here for now, and come back tomorrow to talk about the expectations of my Mussar practice. Feel free to follow along and share your own experiences, questions and comments. I look forward to learning and sharing with you.

For now, good night.