Tuesday, July 12, 2011

forecast today - hot and humid

So my plan to take the teenager somewhere today didn't pan out. I wasn't going to take her anywhere, but realized, "Hey? Why not have her sit somewhere else to watch MTV and mope?"  Oh well. 

Instead, the teenager and pre-teen convinced me to take them to the supermarket because they wanted to get stuff to make their own pizza - dough, sauce, cheese, what have you. Their mother nixed the idea, and instead we ended up buying frozen pizza.  

Now, we are in the supermarket, two sisters: one who is seventeen and the other who is twelve and an Aunt who is quickly realizing that she has made a big mistake.  One of the perks of not having children, you never have to take them into a store of any kind unless you foolishly decide to do so.  I'm feeling a case of regret about to settle into my bones.  What kind of pizza are we going to get?

Now, 12 is very accommodating and will compromise at the drop of a hat, and  was offering a sorts of suggestions that would make both she and 17 happy.  When it comes to accommodating and compromise, 17 has to dig deep for it.  Really, really deep.  I verbalized to 17 that she needed to compromise with what type of pizza they were going to get.  She said she knew that! Gawd! I thought to myself, "Then what the hell is the problem when the answer is staring you right in the face?"  Well, I realized that the answer was that she needed to talk herself into the compromise.  17 usually makes decisions based on what 17 wants.  I begrudgingly accept that, and I actually admire her for it. She doesn't need to worry about taking care of anyone else but herself.  For those of us that did not have that luxury at her age will understand that I'm also a little jealous.  I applaud my brother and sister n law for raising a beautiful, self-absorbed child.  Still, most of the time i just want to clock her.  My brother actually called her a fucking bitch the other day.  He didn't mean it...well, I mean, he didn't mean to say it out loud, but I knew exactly how he felt.  She does this amazing thing.  She asks (demands) to be taken somewhere. You say, "yes" followed by a heavy sigh and an eye roll.  The time comes to leave, and you wait for her to finish getting ready.  When she's ready, she comes to you and starts yelling how they have to get out the door right now because she is going to be late.  You're like, "Bitch I'm waitin' on you."  If you don't move fast enough, she comes at you again.  This is what she did they other day.  "Come on! Let's go! You're going to make me late!"  I can hear her spazzing out on him.  I'm thinking to myself, "What an ungrateful, fucking bitch."  So when I heard my brother yell back - "okay you fucking bitch!"  I knew he immediately regretted saying it out loud.  But hey, what are you going to do?  It happens.  I would have done something far worse. 

So, standing there in front of the frozen pizza,  i took a step back and let her do what she knew she needed to do.  talk herself into making room for someone else.  she did it. she's a rock star and everyone was happy.

Meanwhile, back on my nonexistent farm, I am applying for jobs in healthcare and hoping my unemployment will be reinstated until I can find a job.  I'm going back into my old field because I realize/accepted that I'm gonna need money to be a farmer, and it's gonna have to come in the form of a government funded position.  In the meantime, I volunteer at a food bank one or two days a week, help out with the family's ponies, and I'm growing a garden right next to the stables.  I just need to get myself in bed sooner so when 4:30 rolls around, I've had more than 4.5 hours of sleep.  Now that I'm sleeping on a mattress, This shouldn't be much of a problem.  

Sometimes it's just the simplest things that make the impact.  For me, a comfy mattress.  For 17, the success of a compromise. 

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